Tuesday, June 23, 2009

A Pimp-Slap for Perez

I am so LMAO. So much so, that I had to blog and purge.

Perez Hilton.

It really does not get any better than this.

Mr. Hilton, it seems, has used a Homophobic Slur (The Other “F” Word) was captured doing it in a YouTube video [not linked here] and is seen receiving a slap in the face for same -- and the resulting screeching, cat-fight blow-up is national scuttlebutt and has resulted in Mr. Perez Hilton becoming the very public target of Ridicule.


What a waste of life-form-level intelligence. What a sad, pathetic little man. First, he hides in the weeds and lays in wait for opportunities to further his “career” and favorite social agendas at the expense of the innocent. And then, bang! Before you know it, the Cosmic Karmic Wheel has turned and the venom is in the other vein. Or, in his case, the Pimp Slap is on the other face. Not much I like better than watching an Angry Fist turn the other cheek (sharply to the side, with appropriate force) for someone who cruelly picks on the innocent.

I have this thing about the use of Fear. When you use Fear as a weapon to get what you want from others it should taste exceptionally bitter and burn like hot coals when it is touched to your own lips or heaped upon your own head by a turn of fate. I don’t feel schadenfreude in the misfortunes of the inept, the ignorant or the innocent; I bathe gleefully in it when it is the result of the misadventures of a misanthrope.

For those of you who came in late… a recap of sorts: Perez Hilton a.k.a. Mario Armando Lavandeira. (I’d have changed my name too.) According to Wikipedia, Hilton has a reputation as a blogger “known for posts covering gossip items about musicians, actors and celebrities. He often posts tabloid photographs over which he has added his own captions or ‘doodles.’ His blog has garnered both positive and negative attention for its brash attitude, its active ‘outing’ of alleged closeted celebrities and its role in the increasing coverage of celebrities in all forms of media.” I won’t re-post the entire entry, you can go here and pick it up: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perez_hilton.

Hilton is a stealth misanthrope of the lowest order who specializes in perpetuating his own useless, flimsy celebrity status under the guise of promoting a self-defined “higher” social good or, worse, he does what he does because he thinks it is fun. He’s been sued by folks who were otherwise-minding-their-own-business more times than I can count. He has a reputation for meanness that is particularly harmful to live-and-let-live Innocents. Again, from Wikipedia: “On his blog, Hilton is open about his homosexuality and about his desire to ‘out’ those who he claims are closeted gay celebrities.” The Wiki entry has a special section devoted to people of all stripes and sympathies who STRONGLY abhor Hilton’s activities. Count me WILLINGLY piling on.

Yo, Perez, what other people choose to do, how others choose to live out their dreams in ways that do not bother or harm the lives of any other person shouldn’t be any of your business. Anyone who lives under the law and doesn’t seek to impinge on the lives of others should be Free from the Fear that you might, or a government might, or that anyone else might seek their public ridicule or openly subject them to disrepute. Anything happen to you lately to get your attention on this matter, buddy? Perez, come now! It honestly surprises you when the Sword you have lived by comes calling with malice aforethought?

Having had a person in my own life who has been “outed” has made me keenly aware of the lasting damage that can be done by the careless spread of any private and protected information by second or third parties – whether true or not – when the person most concerned is unprepared for the event. (I cannot and will not argue lifestyle choices here. Don’t write me if you think I’m a [YourLifestyleChoiceHere]-Hater. I’m not. This piece isn’t about that. Caveat: I do favor forcing “private” information into the light when a person’s health or life is in danger. This isn’t about that either. It’s about what-goes-around finally coming-back-around.) When people are “outed,” and they aren’t the one doing the outing, reputations, livelihoods and careers can be trashed – not to mention what is done to families and otherwise loving bonds between people. Makes no difference if the outing is sexual (He’s GAY!), personal tragedy-related (She was raped, you know….), political (Did you know he’s a Republican?!?), past-life-indiscretion (She went to prison for it.), or any other private matter of lifestyle – if the person about whom the information is released isn’t the confessor, then it’s just gossip of one form or another. Check your handy moral and religious references -- gossip is bad. It is one of the refuges of the cowardly and fearful. It’s a weapon of the intellectually and emotionally weak.

Back to the case: another thing Hilton does regularly is to pick off “easy prey” in his desire to Ridicule for the purposes of furthering his own flimsy Celebrity or in order to further “his” social agenda. Again, this piece isn’t here to beat around the arguments concerning Mr. Hilton’s cause celeb, Same-Sex Marriage, just to beat around and beat up on his excuse for celebrity. He’s a hater of anyone who doesn’t “do” however he thinks they “should do.” Mr. Hilton is now primarily “famous” in Average-Jane-and-Joe-America for putting the then-Miss California, Carrie Prejean, in a tight spot in the final question phase of the recent Miss USA 2009 Pageant. Transcript of the question and answer from Wikipedia:

“During the Q&A portion of the contest, pageant judge Perez Hilton's question came to Prejean. Hilton asked:
Vermont recently became the fourth state to legalize same-sex marriage. Do you think every state should follow suit? Why or why not?
Prejean responded:
Well I think it’s great that Americans are able to choose one way or the other. We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage. You know what, in my country, in my family, I do believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman, no offense to anybody out there. But that’s how I was raised and I believe that it should be between a man and a woman.”

Okay. Probably a fair enough question in the context of All Things. After all, we are about “change” here in the Red, White and Blue.

[I am compelled to interject at this point, as an aside, that I cannot fathom how a sad little hater of a man like Hilton became a judge in the Female Beauty Pageant world in the first place. If he’s Gay and likes men, wouldn’t he be more qualified to judge the MISTER Universe pageant or something where men are contestants? As a gay man, and therefore obviously more open to being the potential target of some other man’s sexual desire, does he aspire to improve his chances at success-in-same by being a part of “all things more feminine” and therefore have an edge on the rest of the male world in attracting male attention? I’m so confused here. (It’s kind of like trying to follow the space-time-continuum paradoxes in a Star Trek film.) I understand that he has appropriated, as his very nom-de-guerre, a take-off on the name of his own highest estimation of The Sacred Feminine, Paris Hilton. (What the heck is HE thinking?) Does being a faux-feminine beauty-wannabe qualify him to judge True Femininity in some pageant organizer’s mind. Oh, wait… many state Miss X Pageant directors are also gay men?!? Hmmm…. Wow. I wasn’t aware of the trend. I would think that any female-beauty-contest-judging panel would more suitably be composed of Past Miss Whomevers and consist of slightly more traditionally-Masculine experts in Femininity. Perhaps Mr. Hilton can find a spot on the panel at the Mr/s/?. GLB 2010 Pageant. Hey, I wonder what those contestants would say about same-sex marriage, Perez? But, I’ve departed from the text enough….]

So, back to the drama at hand: Mr. Perez as the hunter and the Innocent as the hunted…. Or was it the other way around now...?

Like the celebrities “outed” before her, I personally think that Miss Prejean did the best she could with the career-ending, politically-charged dynamite handed to her. She fell on it. Again, I’m not here to hash that outcome. (She took the same stance as our President, by the way.) But it’s what came after that outcome that really shows us Mr. Hilton in all his radiant glory. He went to his video blog and made pronouncement upon the then-long-removed-from-competition and therefore-moot-contestant Ms. Prejean:

(Wikipedia: ) “After his blog post Hilton lambasted Prejean as a ‘dumb bitch’ in a YouTube video [I refuse to link.] he taped after the pageant Sunday night. He apologized the next morning for the attack, then retracted his apology. On the following Tuesday afternoon, Hilton told an MSNBC female anchor that he was thinking of the ‘c-word’ as he listened to Prejean's answer. Hilton in an interview with CNN's Larry King; ‘Yes. I do expect Miss USA to be politically correct.’"

I won’t re-argue the whole marriage question timeline here, but that’s what I was talking about in my opening paragraph. A viper lying in wait for an easy mark. Please allow me to use the format one employs to reveal the True Killer in the Parker Brothers board game “Clue:” “It was Mr. Hilton -- on National Television -- with The Politically-Correct Question.” Sorry, Miss CA. But I distinctly heard Mr. Hilton just ask you, to paraphrase an old mean-spirited joke, if you have “quit beating your wife.” [Irony intended.] You lose with any answer.

And now, Mr. Hilton has used a Homophobic Slur (The Other “F” Word) and received a slap in the face for same -- and the resulting blow-up is national chuckle-fodder and has resulted in Mr. Perez Hilton becoming the very public target of someone’s ridicule. He's lucky someone hasn't popped a cap in his ass. How sad, Perez. How sad that this didn’t happen prior to the outing of some otherwise quiet and unassuming gay celebrities or prior to the Miss USA 2009 Pageant.

But, don’t worry, Carrie… rest easy in the fact that now, forever, and always, Perez Hilton will go to his grave wishing he were half the woman you are.

So, I don’t know which side of the issues you come down on. Don’t care really. Some of you may feel sorry for Mr. Hilton. If you do, please read his blog and support his sponsors. For the rest of you who may enjoy cosmic justice... join me in enjoying a piqued, hurt, screeching little coward writhing in agony from a blind-side pimp-slapping as his private laundry is publicly aired.

That’s why I’m sitting here laughing my ass off.